UoG Bans Worcestershire Sauce Ahead of Varsity Showdown

In a bold move to boost team spirit, University of Gloucestershire has banned Worcestershire Sauce across all campuses, effective immediately.

The decision follows concerns that the iconic condiment could undermine Gloucestershire students’ confidence ahead of their Varsity clash with Worcester.

To enforce the ban, amnesty bins will be placed across campuses for people to dispose of any Worcestershire Sauce, with spot searches enforced on campus. Those found hoarding sauce after the amnesty period may face “serious questioning” by campus security.

Katharine Clough, Pro Vice-Chancellor (External Engagement) commented:

“While we respect the rich history of Worcestershire Sauce, we simply cannot have our students consuming something with ‘Worcester’ in the name. It’s a gateway condiment—next thing you know, they’ll be singing their chants and considering a semester abroad in, dare I say it, Worcestershire. We must take a stand.”

Amnesty bins have been placed across campuses

The ban applies to all staff and students

Spot checks are being carried out across campuses

A support group has been set up called Sauce Survivors

Students and academics have had mixed reactions. One student said, “I’d rather be a cheese than a sauce any day.”  Some applaud the university’s commitment to Varsity pride, while others have begun smuggling in bottles. Reports suggest a covert “Sauce Resistance” group has formed, though its members remain anonymous.

UoG have even gone as far as setting up a support group for those struggling with Worcestershire sauce withdrawal symptoms called Sauce Survivors.

Taste it, Hate it, Bin it.